The worries of a wife
November 3, 2008 at 12:29 pm 3 comments
Ok, so I have really been struggeling a lot as a wife. this is me being open an honest about the crazy thoughts and doubts that I have. I got married in May… so I have been married for almost 6 months now. And since we have been married I have neither “gotten off” from my husband nor have we “come” at the same time. It hurts. I want that so bad. We hav tried different positions and nothing works. I get close, but I just can’t come. There have been times before when we have gotten off at the same time or even with in a minute apart, but I just can’t now. And he resorts to getting me off with a vibrator.
I write this with much sadness, I know the feelings of intimacy that it brings and I miss it. I miss the intimacy. The last time that we had sex I found my self praying and begging God to let me come by my husband and to let us come at the same time. And I prayed and prayed and prayed the whole time…. and I had doubts come over me and I would fight against them and trusting in God to answer my prayer……
And He didn’t. And my husband got off and I just lay there crying and asking God, “why?”
I don’t know why… and I don’t understand. I am still waiting for an answer.
***I’m sorry if this was too grafic, but I had to share my feelings *****
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: can't come, can't come together, god, husband, lover, prayer, sadness, sex, unanswered prayer, wife.
1. The worries of a wife | jdTVu | November 3, 2008 at 12:39 pm
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sirjohndoe | November 3, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Firstly… for a woman to be able to come during “regular intercourse”, regardless of position is actually a very rare thing, for purely biological reasons, so for most couples, orgasming at the same time is actually not something that can be counted on reliably, as nice as it is when it can happen.
It’s great that you and your husband are able to talk about this and come up with solutions that result in satisfaction on both sides. Your husband wants you to feel pleasure and isn’t threatened by using a vibrator to help you come. Again, this isn’t the most common thing in the world and you should recognize the gift you’ve received in that.
Glancing at your other entries, it seems that your life is rather busy and hectic. It’s easy to let oneself turn into a firefighter in this situation, and to forget how to let go and relax and enjoy the pleasures of our life, and not just in the bedroom.
Any time we start to let ourselves feel inadequate or unsuccessful in our lovemaking, that tends to feed on itself, and exacerbate the original “problem”. I think that you will find, if you are able to let go and just enjoy the feelings and devotion that you and your husband feel for each other, that things will fall into place much more reliably than by trying to accomplish some specific goal.
If you are going to pray to God while you are intimate with your husband, rather than asking for Him to grant you something, why don’t you try praising and thanking Him for the wonderful gift that is your husband and the sex you enjoy with him instead?
I think Mathew 6:25-34 is rather appropriate to this situation.
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Narcissus | December 8, 2008 at 9:22 am
Don’t worry too much about having a synchronized orgasm, it is a very very rare thing. You hear all sorts of women talking about having synchronized orgasms, or coming before their husband, or several times but you have to keep in mind that women are just as prone to stretching the truth as men. Honestly, you can’t believe men all the time when they brag about how many women they’ve bagged now can you?
It’s ok, what you are going through is very normal. Sometimes it takes women years to come during intercourse with their husbands. It doesn’t have anything to do with compatibility, don’t let it worry you. For many women, in order to achieve orgasm during intercourse, things have to be “just right” For me, it is much easier to come when I’m on top, controlling the motion myself. If the “mood” is set with candles and music it’s a lot easier to come as well. Though I do orgasm a majority of the time during sex, there are sessions that do not end in orgasm unless I finish myself off. It’s not anything I worry about, my husband is comfortable with his level of skill and I am comfortable with my own, I just understand that female orgasm is difficult to achieve.
There is also another thing I wasn’t going to mention because I know you are Christian (as am I) and many people have different beliefs about fetish, but there is a possibility something is missing from your sex life that you are hardwired to need. Have you tried experimenting with different things like light bondage (think blindfolds and fuzzy cuffs)
I honestly think the bottom line here is that you’re over-thinking. You seem to be stressed out and worried a lot, I think this is having a negative effect on your relationship with your husband and your sex life (forgive the intrusive comments, I only mean well)
Another thing I’d like to add, it’s wonderful that you (unlike so many others) are able to bring God into the bedroom and into every aspect of your relationship. I think that things will ease up for you if you just let him guide you in the right direction.
Good luck.