The worries of a wife

Ok, so I have really been struggeling a lot as a wife.  this is me being open an honest about the crazy thoughts and doubts that I have.  I got married in May… so I have been married for almost 6 months now.  And since we have been married I have neither “gotten off” from my husband nor have we “come” at the same time.  It hurts.  I want that so bad.  We hav tried different positions and nothing works.  I get close, but I just can’t come.  There have been times before when we have gotten off at the same time or even with in a minute apart, but I just can’t now.  And he resorts to getting me off with a vibrator.

I write this with much sadness,  I know the feelings of intimacy that it brings and I miss it.  I miss the intimacy.  The last time that we had sex I found my self praying and begging God to let me come by my husband and to let us come at the same time.  And I prayed and prayed and prayed the whole time…. and I had doubts come over me and I would fight against them and trusting in God to answer my prayer……

And He didn’t.  And my husband got off and I just lay there crying and asking God, “why?”

I don’t know why… and I don’t understand.  I am still waiting for an answer.

***I’m sorry if this was too grafic, but I had to share my feelings *****

Where did my life go? Update

My life has been stressful.  As always….  but I have been able to manage.  Now that I am working (it was supposed to be a part time job, but I work about 36 hours a week) I can’t find the time to clean and take care of myself.   My yoga has gone out the window.  I miss it… I really do.  Today has been the first day that I have been able to get anythign done on a day that I have to work.  This is the first time that I have even been able to get on my bog since I have started there.

I know that it isn’t a lot ofhours, but my body is not used to it.  A normal day for me to to wake up around 7am, shower and get ready, let the dog out of her kennel and play with her as I finish getting ready, try and get some breakfast in, take the dogoutside to potty, and then head to work.  I only have a 30 minute break which doesn’t even give me time to come home so Titus has to come home and let Lyric out over lunch.  Then I get off of work around 4 and then get asked to stay for a couple of more hours and then I finally cloack out and leave around 6pm ish.  I drive the 15 minute drive home and then make dinner and love on Titus (my husband) at the same time.  We eat dinner and then he needs me to spend time wiht him (which I need to do to help our marriage) and then he wants us to go to bed around 9:30 or 10:00.  and it starts all over.

I didn’t get to even unload the dishwasher for 5 days!!!   I wanted to, but between the dog and dog and the husband there wasn’t time.  Occasionally I have shorter days that I work (my schedule varies by day) and I plan on coming home and cleaning, but as soon as I get home I just crash.  Like I said earlier…. my body is not used to it.  And I feel horrible because I knwo that Titus works WAY more hours than I do, but I just can’t seem to get a hold of myself.

I got up earlier today.  I am all ready and I planned on cleaning, but decided to type my thoughts down first.  I have about an hour and half before I need to leave for work-  Which I love, btw. Pier 1 imports in an amazing place to work.

I have so much more that I want to talk about, but I think I am going to type it into a separate entry, because it isn’t related to the normal stresses of my life.